Pain,, Searing Pain !

Ive hurt my back,, it hurts!..

i cant stand up straight,, (no erection jokes please).


You may ask yourself how did you manage this,, saving someone from an accident, , rescuing a kitten from a tree, , ,helping an old lady cross the road,,,,no ,, the answer as always is (D)none of the above.

I did it in a sack race, thats right,, a sack race. . . A Team building exercise for the office,,, i mean ,, honestly ,, why do we need team building anyway,


I mean if we just talk to people in the office surely that is team building. Who knows why we do these things,,

wheres the team when it takes me 15 minutes to put my socks on in the morning cause i cant bend down, while the beast no less decides, its a fun time to pull out his little claws and grab my sock, , , and run off with it. Ill get you next time Gadget!


Ive always wondered do the police do team building events? Id like to think that if i was in the police (never gonna happen) that the the guys or girls back who I have got has also got mine. . nothing more team building than facing a shop lifter with a can of beans in one hand an a pack of smokes in the other and hes feeling lucky.. and he just may be a punk!

PS ..
please feel free to provide me some sympathy as i haven't had very much ,,, ,

Until Next time.

To Beard or not To Beard,,, that ,, is the beardness

Im working on a beard,,, its been a week since my last encounter with a razor blade.
And quite frankly im a little disappointed.. .

so you dont shave for a day or two,, and the little whiskers really push through,, make you question why you shave in the first place..

Give them a week and they start getting lazy,,,
I mean im giving these guys the opportunity for freedom,. to wave in the breeze while i sit in my car with the blowers on ,,, to let them attack my mrs when we hug. Why oh Why will they only make an effort till the 2nd or 3rd day,,

is it because they think that they have won war?
"Were free guys,, lets sit here in the sun,, but not attract too much attention in case someone spots us!"

who knows.. ,, if any one does please let me know,,

i think from next week i shall start a beard diary,, detailing every aspect of the beard experience,, ITV would pay for that.. .

some of you ,, well, when i say some of you , i mean the two maybe three of you..
not including the porpoise and the guy who stumbles across the blog while looking for porn after ten pints.. . i mean, just type Corn in Google!.. youll get there eventually my good friend..

i mean the other people,,maybe wondering why i want to grow a beard,,,,

well its all to do with a few good experiences with bearded men,,( i know what your thinking,,.. but not this time,,,)

Bearded men always seem to know what they are doing,, you work with a guy on a job, if your not sure of an answer for something,, ask the guy with the beard he'll know.. its always the case..
trust me ,, find a guy with a beard,, preferable one without holes in his socks standing in the street with nothing but a rubber chicken in his hand.. .. ask him a question,, odds on he'll know the answer,

and lets look at the great people of our time who had beards..

Abraham Lincoln,, beard tastic..

Plato,, beard alicious..


Obi won kenobi,, beard a chlorian

ray lamontagne beard ,,, a whooole lot a beard....


it mainly commands respect. .

and to add a little spice to the mix,, check the pictures of beard types below,

Enjoy!

Until next time,........

Do you pay a plumber?

So,,,i know it may seem like that i rant from time to time, but hey ,thats what blogs are for right,,?

To moan about the day to day shit that no one in the office, at home, or sleeping in a shop door clutching a bottle of JD in a brown paper bag wants to listen to.

any who,, back to topic,

A hypothetical,...

you have a friend, right,, hes or she is a plumber, painter, electrician, debt collector or a hooker, you get the picture, they are a trades person of somekind but lets not forget for an instant that they are a friend a buddy, a pal, a confident, a fuck budy.....

how come when they come to your house and fix a problem or do something that is associated to thier respected trade,,, (of which they have no doubt spent hours perfecting and also get paid to do and earn ,,no doubt a very respectable living). . . . they still get paid, friend or not,, even a gesture, a 'oh thanks for fixing my blocked pipes.. (plumber or hooker, you decide... ) heres a 20.

but how come,, how come,, !!!!!!!!!!

when you fix pcs,, or know how they work a little more than the regular guy , girl or space fairing monkey on the street its just expected that you take a look at stuff for nothing..

I just dont get it, it takes time to take a look at a problem,, to understand why a pc is running slow, to remove a virus cause your buddy has been taking a dip in the pond of inter species erotica,, i mean how do you not act embarrassed when you come across an Internet history that has wwwww.ilovedonkeys.com and wwww.bigscareyandhairy.tv,, thats a skill in its self..

And when you get that call 'my machines died and ive lost allllllll my files',,,

'back owt up?'

'No,,, pcs never break down do they ,,i mean why would i want to have a copy of all my important files?... so can you come round and fix it?'

then you fix thier pc so its in a reasonable state, virus free , porn pop up free , chug noise less , digestive in the cd drive free,, and what happens. .. what happens..

not a,, 'heres a twenty for your time,, 'not a ,, 'how much do i owe you ', sometimes not even a ,'fancy a coffee?' its more a blank look and a 'are you done?' ,,'Thanks for your time,,dont catch your ass on the door on the way out.. '

Rant over,,, ohhhh look,, a dolphin that can type,, whoda thunk it.. .


Until next time..

BATMAN a little too happy,, maybe even gay?

soooo,

im a batman fan,,and im checking out wiki just seeing what is written about the wonder that is the dark knight,,, .

. i come across this little gem http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batman#Homosexual_interpretations

apparently this guy Fredric Wertham reckons that Batman and Robin are lovers, not only this , it was mentioned that this artist mark chamberlain has done these kinda pictures,, (be aware these are sexual in nature) http://www.artnet.com/artist/424157172/mark-chamberlain.html

its wrong,,, its just wrong. ,, im cool with the homosexual thing,, but come on ,,, this is batman,,The Dark Knight...

i mean,, plastic man,, yea he could be gay,, and yea i can buy colossus from xmen being gay too,, but BATMAN....Honestly !!!

thoughts on a postcard please. ..


Until Next Time...

!!!!!WASP UPDATE!!!!!!

It appears as though the wasps have been destroyed.. STOP

The war has been won STOP

I shower myself in the glory of being the victor STOP

I shall now take my medication STOP

The Day of the Wasps !!!!!!!!!

We had a wasps nest,,, well,. i think we had one,,,, we could still have one.

So lets go through the events that lead to todays climax,,
1, entertaining myself in the bathroom and I hear a click, click, click, sound, nowt in the bathroom..
2, I open the bathroom window and scream like a girl. Wasps!!!!!!!
3, Closed the window, stopped screaming like a girl, checked to see i was still a man and my jewels were still in place.
4, went downstairs to look at the wasps popping in and out of a little hole in the window lining
5, (sunday),, called in a professional, he came to the house, later than planned. Made some small talk. He did the business with some kind of spray,,he drank a cup of tea, i paid the man.
6, wasp bloke mentioned that they may be a bit pissed off for the rest of the day, so ill be dammed if im going out side till tomorrow. then he left.


and thats the story of the wasps, not a children's book i know,, but i suppose it could be,.


lets see if the wasps have gone tomorrow when i pluck up the courage to venture out into the open. . .


until next time..

when i mentiond that i screamed like a girl,, it was a very manly girl. .

Oli,,,

so , wednesday last week i came home early from work,

and i found the little guy in the picture below crying and shaking in the hedge outside our house.

I brought the little guy in and looked after him, me and the other half have decided that were gonna keep him.

I would however like to ask the question,,, who would dump a little guy like this in a hedge with the possibility of walking on to the main road and getting squished,,,

Until next time,,,,,